o understand a person today, look at his past. How did he face crises in his life? Do crises make or break a man?
The day I was born, my father’s business suffered a huge loss. Being superstitious, my family considered me a bad omen. They refused to even treat me cordially.
Things only got worse from there on.
When I was 10, vengeful over a property dispute, my father’s brothers cast an evil spirit on him. He was so tormented that he committed suicide. My world shattered.
I kept asking, “What happened? Why did he do this? Why did he leave us?” No one had answers. Just questions.
Four years later, my elder sister got married and a ‘dowry’ was given. After the wedding, her in-laws increased their demands and harassed her. Unable to stand this, she consumed poison and died. After two years, my aunt set herself aflame and to die because she had been childless for 10 years.
I had more questions. And still no answers.
But these tragedies developed in me a strong resolve to make the most of my life.
I wanted to study at the best engineering college. I studied hard for two long, sleep-deprived years. And to my joy, I was given a seat at the much sought-after Indian Institute of Technology (IIT).
But my dreams were soon dashed. My mother was adamant that I shouldn’t leave our hometown, Bangalore. Perhaps, because of her many painful losses, she had become extremely protective and possessive of me. I then reluctantly joined Christ College to pursue a degree in pure sciences, followed by a diploma in Computer Science in another institute.
Then in July 1978, my younger sister was diagnosed with cancer. She was given only four months to live.
I now wanted answers.
When would this misery and suffering end? Was all of this a result of my sin? Or my family's sin? There seemed to be so much evil around us. How do we find salvation, which in Hindu terms is called moksha (liberation)? I started going to Hindu religious meetings to understand the paths to spiritual liberation but to no avail.
Finally, when my sister died, I felt ashamed that I was alive while everyone else was dying. I ran away from home with every intention of committing suicide.
But I couldn’t follow through with it, because I didn’t have the answer to my biggest question - "Where will I go after death?” None of the scriptures I read gave me an answer to this.
Three months down, I was still confused. But I had decided that enough was enough. I got a rope to end my life.
Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a thick green book, nearby. It was the New Testament of the Bible. Someone had given it to me at school, but I had never bothered to read it. I felt compelled to pick it up in that moment. I found an index of passages addressing a specific need, like “when you need peace”, or “when you feel sad”.
My name is Anand, which means ultimate bliss. In fact, it is the culmination of peace, bliss and joy. And I needed peace then. I looked up the passage mentioned - John 14:27.
"Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you. I do not give as the world gives. Do not let your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”
“This is an aggressive statement,” I thought. I knew the peace the world gives, but this was not the same thing. This was a different peace: this was God’s own peace.
Then Jesus said something very important to me. “Do not let your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”
It felt like all the answers I was looking for were in this one passage.
Suddenly, words from Christian literature I had read previously came alive. I realized that Jesus was saying that he had “come so that I could have life at its fullest” (a verse from the Bible), which was exactly what I needed.
I got really excited. I postponed my decision to take my life. I needed to explore this. I should pray to this God, I thought. And I did just that.
“God, you are a Christian God and I am a Hindu, but I want to know more.”
This was the beginning of my journey with Jesus. I made a personal decision (without changing my religion) to follow this Jesus as my Lord and Saviour.
This happened when I was 20 years old.
Since then, the Lord has been wonderful. Initially I did face some opposition from my relatives and friends. But my journey with Him has been amazing.
I realized an important truth. All of us have a choice to make when faced with overwhelming challenges. And I’m convinced that praying to Jesus is a good choice.
Looking back, I realize that I did not succeed in spite of the challenges in my life, but because of them. And because I chose to respond proactively. And because I had a Saviour who gave me strength from within.
