uestions haunted me as I was growing up. Questions about my daily struggles, my physical weakness, the purpose of my existence and about my self-worth.
In school, I had difficulty in learning and remembering things. I felt worthless, falling short of the expectations of my family and my teachers. Comparisons with those who did better left me completely broken, discouraged and devastated.
Even my friends betrayed me. I concluded that my God had abandoned me.
Ending my life seemed a better option.
I did not want to live!
One day, after listening to me speak about my heartache and my struggles, my mother told me of the time when I was in her womb. She had a bleeding problem. After every hospital appointment, my parents would come home sad and discouraged as the doctors could never find my heartbeat. Reason enough to expect a stillborn baby.
But my mother held on to her faith in the living God, Christ Jesus. She never gave up praying to the One who hears our heart’s cry. She chose to seek the Creator and Lord of life.
And you know already how that story ended, because here I am, the miracle child writing my story.
I realized that God had protected me even before my birth. It broke the negativity inside me. I felt reborn and renewed with hope. God cared for me even before my birth. Why would he leave me alone?
I surrendered my life to Jesus and started learning to trust him every single time that I doubted my worth. During those times of learning to trust Him, I completed my music training from a well-known music college. I felt that my future was secure in His hands.
Yet the question about my purpose in this life came back to me every now and then.
God answered me through these words in the Bible:
“The spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to
- bring good news to the poor (in spirit)
- bind up the broken hearted
- proclaim liberty to the captives
- and open the prisons of those who are bound.” (Bible, Isaiah 61:1)
Being part of His plan gave me a sense of purpose.
I already see God fulfilling that purpose, using me through my music in several different places, to touch many lives. I know that I am not smart enough to influence anyone, but it’s clearly the Lord’s favour, love and promises which I get to see every day.
Even today, when I encounter thoughts about my worth and my life’s purpose, I remind myself of the truth about my life.
I know and have learnt that “Jesus met me in my story where I was, and he still meets me in my story where I am.”
I don’t have to do something special and extra to find Him, or to please Him. When I seek Him, I find Him.
I don't have to first fix myself. Broken and incomplete, He finds me where I am and restores me.
He was present with me from before my birth and His presence has never left me until today.
He journeys with me, holding me in his arms.
The Bible reminds me that “… God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)
Now that’s a powerful reminder of His unfailing love!
